I can’t even remember how many times I’ve thought to myself, “I’ll never do that” or “I’m not going to be like that.” Things I internalized as wrong, bad, inappropriate, or “beneath me.” Things I thought I was too good for. Lives I didn’t want to live. And people I thought I was better than. But as we all learn, life goes on, and we are no better than anyone else. Because inevitably, we all do things we never thought we would. So, I’ve decided to take stock of all the things I’ve done, that I honestly thought I’d never do. Of course, this isn’t all of them, but I don’t think we have time for that.
Yes, it’s true. Despite society’s pressures and expectations for women to get married. I always thought that married couples looked boring, miserable, and unhappy. I wanted no part of it. And after travelling abroad so much. Jumping from country to country, and guy to guy. I never thought I’d stick to one. I loved freedom, independence, and living my own life. Nothing and no one was going to impose on that. But here, I am. Married.
Have a Kid
As stated above, I have always loved my freedom, flexibility, and space to run around. Having a husband caged me in a little, so how would I survive with a child? The responsibility, messes, limited time and freedom. Someone stuck by my side. All. The. Time. Yet, here I am, with a sidekick all my own. And let me tell you, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Be Completely Dependent upon Someone Else
I’ve always been independent. On my own. Self-reliant for everything. I looked at women who relied on their husbands, as weak, pathetic, and lazy. Why would they let a man, have that much power over their lives? But here I am, in the exact same boat. I don’t work, and my husband provides for me, in every single way. And the surprising fact is, I chose this. And I love it. I completely trust and rely on, someone other than myself.
Change Myself & My Life for a Man
I’ve always believed that women give up too much of themselves, and their lives, for men. To impress guys, keep them happy, or make them stay. In my head I would think, “there’s the door.” If the guy is not happy with who I am or how I live, he can leave at any time. And while I still believe this, there is give and take on both sides. So yes, I’ve changed lots of things for my husband, as I described in a previous post. But he has also given up lots for me. And we are both okay with our choices.
Display my Flaws
Perfectionism runs in my family. Whether through DNA, or environmental upbringing. We all have it. So, showing the world that I am anything but perfect, great and wonderful, is unheard of. Why would I want to embarrass myself, by showing others my flaws, shortcomings, and imperfections? But the more that I blog, the more I show the world, how imperfect I really am.
Get a Tattoo
I grew up believing tattoos were bad. Scary people have tattoos. They belong to gangs, and are unprofessional. Those who have tattoos only want to show off, and get attention. But that was all in my head, because tattoos have nothing to do with any of that. They are very personal, unique, and fun. Getting a tattoo is one of the best things I’ve ever done. Except for my husband & child of course 😉
Show my Privates in Public
I was always one of those people who changed in the change rooms. I never undressed in front of others. And I didn’t understand the ease, of letting others see my nakedness. I was private, conservative, and covered. Then I had a kid. Pretty sure the whole world has now seen my boobs, belly, and yonder regions.
Believe in my Own God
I’ve tried to believe in this God, and that God. What these people say about God, or what those people say about God. I thought everyone else’ ideas about God were right, correct, or good. But I never developed my own. In my heart, I know the God I have faith in. And it may be the same God as other people, or it may not be. But that’s not the point. Finding my own God, that I actually believe in, has provided me more faith, than anyone else’s ideas of God ever have.
Be with Someone who was Already Taken
Yup. I was with someone who was already committed. Taken. Unavailable. Of course, I did not know this until afterwards. But it happened, and it was something “I” would never do. So, to all those women we “hate,” I was one of them. And didn’t even know it.
Not Hide my Cellulite
Yes, I have cellulite. And many people do. But I never understood, why anyone would feel comfortable, showing off these imperfect parts of their bodies in public. Cover up, do something to change it. Definitely don’t be okay with it. But as I stated above, I have cellulite too. My body is imperfect. And I still wear a bathing suit at the beach. Flaws and all, out in the open.
Completely Lose my Sh*t
I always envied, and wanted to be one of those people who remained calm and emotionless. I thought it was completely inappropriate, and unprofessional, to not have self-control. Yet over and over again, I have lost my sh*t. Emotions take over. Patience is gone. And everything I’m feeling is out on display. My heart is always on my sleeve.
Worry About my Appearance
I’ve always disliked superficial people. Worrying about their weight, looks, clothing, and appearance, when there are such bigger problems in the world. There are so many more productive ways to spend our time, energy, money and resources. But I can’t lie, I worry about this stuff too. I want to look good. I don’t want to be fat. And I still might even associate, part of my worth, with how I look. Is this good? Not really, but no one is perfect, and I think we all worry about appearances, in one way or another.
Be Like My Mom
The last person I ever wanted to be like, was my mom. I used to try everything in my power to be different from her. Set apart. But as I age, I see more and more of the stuff she would do, that I do myself. From the ways I parent, to the ways I talk. I see my mom.
Do any of you feel the same way? What are things you said you’d never do, but have done?
Don’t forget to take part in the September Challenge: No Eating Out!!