A Recipe for Being REAL- Showing the good, the bad & the ugly

So, I recently wrote a very intimate, and personal post about the struggles of my own inner world. Surprisingly, I got way more feedback, messages, comments, and heartfelt love than I could have ever imagined. It made me think. Why are people so amazed when someone opens up about themselves and their life? Why do people get inspired just from someone being real? Perhaps it’s because very few people actually show their true selves. Or maybe it’s due to the fact that others are going through very similar struggles, and can therefore relate. Either way, we need more people who are real. Individuals who can show their strength, success and accomplishments, while also presenting their flaws, hardships and struggles.

Realistically, everyone fails and everyone succeeds. But people tend to shine light on only the good, exceptional and acceptable parts. Not their flaws, flops or doubts. Which psychologically speaking, makes sense. But then we all go through life, thinking others have easy, wonderful, perfect lives, when truthfully, they don’t. No one does. Everyone suffers, everyone has struggles, and everyone is dealing with their own pile of sh*t.

What people really care about is people who are real. Authentic. Open-hearted. Honest. Genuine. No one wants to hear about how successful, fit or productive you are. Because everyone already shows that. Instead, they wanna know your story, your struggles, and find some sort of connection with you. A place of common ground that says, “Hello there! I’m human, you’re human. We both suck at stuff, and we’re both good at stuff. Let’s be friends!”

So then why do we still feel the need to prove and push, and strive and hide? Rather than just let ourselves be. What are we hiding from, and what do we need to prove? Are we afraid of what others think? Do we want to feel like we have more control over ourselves and lives? Or is it more about just moving on, and moving forward the best way we know how?

Recipe for Being Real

Part of being authentic is to let “all” of ourselves be seen, not just the good, pretty parts, but the ugly, difficult parts as well. It’s kind of like baking (I love dessert). A recipe requires all ingredients, in certain amounts, in a certain order, while following particular directions. This includes the yummy parts, like sugar and chocolate. As well as the not so delicious parts, like flour and eggs. We need them ALL. In addition to ingredients, there are easy steps that must be completed, like measuring and stirring. Along with the more obnoxious steps, such as cleaning and waiting. What happens when we miss part of the ingredients, or skip certain steps? The cookie doesn’t turn out. It doesn’t taste good. And no one wants to eat it.

Well, we are each our own unique cookie (or tart, or cake, or pie). Therefore, if we lose certain qualities or ingredients about ourselves, or if we skip over steps that we know in our hearts we need to do, life will not turn out as deliciously as it could. So, flaunt and be proud of the accomplishments, success and strength you possess. But also, be real about the flaws, hardships, and setbacks you encounter.

How do we do this?

Listen Only to YOU

First and foremost, you have to learn who you really are on the inside. Don’t pay attention to others, or what you think you “should” be doing. Even forget about what you have been doing. Because change, and doing things differently, is the only way to move forward and up.  We have to start anew and let things go.

So often I would listen to Society. Books. Magazines. Media. Other people. Rather than just listening to my own self. I believed there were only a few ways to eat, parent, dress, exercise and live. But truthfully, there are endless ways to do things. Just like there is huge variety amongst us as humans. There is huge variety in how we live and do things as well. This is okay. Its allowed. In fact, its preferred. You do you. I’ll do me. And we can still be friends.

Really FEEL

Feelings can be fun. Sometimes they hurt. And other times they just plain suck. But they are all temporary emotions, which pass just as quickly as they come. What we have to do is acknowledge their existence, accept the feeling, and allow it in. The more we try to hide or fight how we feel, the longer the emotion sticks around. So, when we feel sadness, pain, grief, or anger, we learn how to deal with it. And eventually those difficult emotions don’t get to us as much. Leaving more room for happy, positive and uplifting emotions to enter.

Live & Love with HEART

Everyone’s heart is unique. Filled with one-of-a-kind passion, personality and love. Learning to live with this whole heart of yours, will inspire a sense of courage and faith that can’t be found anywhere else. Start listening to your inner being, that heart of wisdom. Only do things that you genuinely feel like doing. Hang around those people that open your heart, and make you come alive. Chase after activities, events and situations that lift you up, and bring out your inner joy. If there is no heart and love in what you do, don’t do it. And if there’s no heart or love in who you are right now, it’s probably not the REAL you. So make a change. Do something different. And find that REAL you, who is full of life, full of love and full of heart.

14 thoughts on “A Recipe for Being REAL- Showing the good, the bad & the ugly

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  1. Thanks for sharing this. It really encourages me to move forward despite the mistakes, the flaws and all the challenges that flop in the last second, but just to move on with a greater confidence that its ok that it’s not perfect.

  2. Great post. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially how it relates to my blog. People want to see real life like you say, but it’s hard to be open about your life and make yourself vulnerable. I think one thing holding me back is how hurtful people can be online with what they say. I guess I’m scared to open myself up to that world of hurt.

    1. Thank you. Yes the online world can be brutally hurtful. Because it hasn’t happened to me yet, I’m just going to keep having faith that it doesn’t. Or when it does I’ll be able to handle it. Try opening up even a little & see what happens.

  3. Because it’s hard to share something personal with strangers. It actually takes a lot of courage to let someone know what is happening in your mind, and people appreciate that and usually find themselves in the stories. Great article!

  4. *Wow.* This is very beautifully written. I read your other piece, too – you’ve been through a lot, and you’re right, it’s hard to be vulnerable to others, but that is where true intimacy begins (in my experience, at least). However, as you also rightfully point out here/in the other piece, it starts with being vulnerable to yourself. Thanks for sharing these thoughts!

    1. Thanks so much. I appreciate the read and compliments. It can be scary being vulnerable but most people appreciate vulnerability and have experienced similar things and can relate.

  5. Thanks for sharing so openly. I think social media makes it easy to just see the best of people so it is essential that we remember that no one is perfect and all we can do is give it the best we have and build each other up along the journey!

    1. Yeah all I know how to do at this point is to be completely open, honest & hope others along the way do the same 😉

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